My daily(-ish) journal thing.

This is the personal journal of a real person, and I'm going to try not to self-censor, so as a result this page will contain talk of some things that may be classed as upsetting.

03/07/2025 17:29

Egg sandwich.

02/07/2025 22:03

Okay it's been better recently. I've been reading the eltingville club and I finally watched the pilot. It's really entertaining. I also made self-insert characters for me and Laine. I've not had any major arguments with my parents since the 29th, which I think is really good. I've also (I think) gotten out of my drawing funk, so I can finally get back to that.

30/06/2025 19:51

Surprisingly no argument today. Probably just because I'm tired and warm and URGH. I'm gonna shower, but it'll probably hurt because I cut myself last night. I'm currently watching a Camp camp retrospective (because I never got past season 1), and this person is super fucking annoying and is very like,, quirk chungus owo smol bean -ish. They seem like they like those fucking,, Vivzypop shows too eugh.

29/06/2025 21:46

I'm not going to give a play by play of tonights argument, because it was the same thing as always. It was both my parents this time though. I feel sick to my fucking stomach. I can't shower or draw or exercise or anything. I hope in the future I can get everything I want forever. I'm going to cut and then cry myself to sleep again. I'll spellcheck this tomorrow.

29/06/2025 13:53

Why why why why WHY does mum have to get mad at me over 50 fucking pence?!? All I did is ask if I could have 50p to get some food, because I haven't eaten today yet, and then when she said I couldn't, I asked why. Why is that enough to make her get so pissy. And then she thought I was being spoilt because I got upset (because I was overwhelmed) and she thought I was upset because I couldn't have the money. I can't focus or calm down and if anything goes wrong I start hitting things and hitting myself. I hate that I get like this. Maybe it's becaues i never ended up cutting yesterday so all the fucking,, enenrgy or something's built up. Fuck,, I feel dizzy.

28/06/2025 23:45

I feel so bad and weird. Like a stupid ugly sludge boy.

28/06/2025 22:59

I wish that not every fucking conversation ended like this. I'd gone almost two whole days without crying, and I just,, failed. I feel sick. What happened is I was on my mum's phone and I was looking through her facebook because I wanted to know when she'd started calling me by my name, and so when she asked what I was doing, I told her that. For some reason she got really defensive and told me not to, and one of the points she made was that it was 'her private life' or something. So I said that it's not private, it's a public account, and then when she said it wasn't, I told her that it is, and I can access it from my PC (logged out of facebook) just fine. I was genuinely trying to be helpful, in case she didn't know, but I guess that was rude? because she sighed and then snapped at me saying that it was her phone. It shouldnt have made me this upset but it did. I don't have the energy to cut, not really, but I feel like I need to.